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Top 10 Ways to Win Your Divorce
1. Realize there are no winners in divorce. Divorce is painful, expensive, and hard on your children. We encourage you to try everything to salvage your relationship; marriage counseling, faith based counseling, forgiveness, interventions, etc. We will do everything we can to assist you in finding resources to reconcile. Divorce should be your last option, and after you talk with an attorney, the chances of restoring your relationship will decrease.
2. Be upfront with us, because we will tell you the truth - Tell us your goals from the outset. Give us all the information and fully complete our divorce worksheet. Often, family attorneys "fire up" their clients and exploit an already emotional issue with discussions of "what you deserve" or "what you can get." This is not how we handle our family clients. We will give you clear expectations and cost/benefit analysis, both emotional and financial. The last thing you want is for your attorney to bill out thousands of dollars in fees when you could take that money to spend it on your children's college education.
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3. Talk to your spouse. The more you can work out with your spouse, the better. This is especially important child custody. Remember that you will have to deal with your spouse until your child turns 18; the better the relationship, the better off your kids will be.
4. Hire an attorney you trust. It is extremely important that you hire an attorney with whom you are comfortable, who you feel as you can trust, and who you can have ease of access via telephone or email contact. We encourage our clients to have regular phone or email contact with our office.
5. Explore Mediation. Mediation is a process whereby parties use a neutral person to try to reach an agreement. Mediation has a very high success rate and allows spouses to dictate their own agreement without having a Judge reach an agreement with which neither party may be satisfied. So many people think the judge will issue "justice," that the judge wants to hear their life story, or that the judge will have some great insight to the client's problem. The reality is that the judge is going to hear 1-2 hours of your life story, and then make a snap decision based on what the lawyers have presented. Sometimes the judges get it right, sometimes they get it wrong. Be smart; take decisions involving out of the court's hands and put it in yours; be open to resolving your case without court intervention.
6. Involve a CPA. Tax consequences of your divorce can be devastating or beneficial. We can recommend a CPA or CFP to minimize tax consequences.
7. Help your Kids Cope. Take a family stabilization course, like Do It for the Kids or Kids First.
8. Help you Cope. We recommend divorce recovery groups, such as Divorce Care.
9. Destroying your spouse is not an option. We won't do that for you. If that's what you want, go somewhere else. We approach divorces as sterile in nature; we want to be surgical in our requests, determine the issues, and 'get in-get out.' We have a job to do, and that is to guide you through divorce, not to settle a personal vendetta.
10. Realize what is worth fighting for. Fighting over the couch is silly; fighting over who has custody of the children after domestic violence has occurred is not. Define your goals and ask the attorney if they are obtainable, how much it will cost financially to obtain them, and what the emotional toll will be on the family unit in litigating the matter.
Remember, there are no winners in divorce. But it is our job to guide you through the process, making it as easy on all parties as possible; and if the courtroom is required, then providing you with the highest quality trial work to advocate your interests.
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